I used to have a crush on Sebastian the crab.
Yes, yes, it's true. It was during those formative days of my youth when crushes don't bare the connotation of realistic romantic inclinations, but rather are early indicators of personality type. Even early on, personality traits are emerging and when crushes, and friendships, come into play it's usually a form of self-discovery, usually on a subconscious level.
The duration of my uber crush on Sebastian was the few years while The Little Mermaid animated series aired. Looking back, I'm not really sure what it was about Sebastian in the series that clicked with me. I understand why his character does/did in the film so perhaps it started with the film and just carried over to the series since I didn't see the character development discrepancies at the time. But if I had to venture a guess, I'm going to just assume it all has to do with his being hardboiled with a silly and surprisingly gentle nature underneath. One of Sebastian's lines in If Only from the Broadway adaptation sums it up really well for how I always imagined Sebastian. After singing about how he would make things right for Ariel if he could, he later sings "I'd give my life up to make it happen." And that line has always gelled with my childhood vision of Sebastian - a character who is actually quite heroic, caring, wise, selfless, etc. when it comes down to it (even if he missteps along the way). This kind of thing can be seen in other crushes I had at the time such as Uncle Jesse of Full House or Basil from The Great Mouse Detective just to name a few. Also, most of my crushes always had a good deal of ego and Sebastian definitely has some ego issues.
At the time of my crush, I knew that it was odd. Heck, it took me ages to admit that it had ever been a thing, as I was trying to explain the many reasons why Sebastian is still tied with Ariel as my favorite Disney character period. I knew well enough that he was an animated crab and that "normal" girls my age should be crushing on Prince Eric (to be fair, I loved him too in the same, nominal, dreamy, prince kind of way those other girls did). Because of this, I have a feeling I started projecting...
Which comes to the next point, Ariel/Sebastian will always be an honorary OTP of mine. Yes, Ariel and Sebastian. In spite of all of the weirdness, perhaps even wrongness, of it, I shipped it as a little girl during the same time I was crushing on Sebastian and then even later after the crush subsided to a "he's just a favorite character" healthiness (well, if moderate fangirl obsession is healthy I suppose).
The thing is, I'm pretty sure it started because I was projecting myself as Ariel seeing as she was my favorite character, so naturally I saw their really close companionship as, well, also a crush. I saw Ariel as having a crush on Sebastian and, in my childish simplicity, Sebastian as also having feelings for Ariel, but being too hardboiled for it to be obvious. (The fact that he was an adult character obviously had no bearing on my childish mind because, let's be real, kids don't always understand age disparity or appropriateness on a complex level when it's in this innocent form; think of a girl who has a crush on a teenage/adult celebrity and truly believes they can grow up and marry them as if age is not an issue.) I spent many play times and nights lying in bed making up stories in my head (let's call it the precursor to fanfiction writing lol) all with story lines that typically involved something happening to Ariel (especially getting sick) and Sebastian realizing the extent of his love for her and then his needing to go to great lengths to save her. To be fair, I had some storylines where Ariel saved Sebastian too!
Ironically though, these storylines didn't always end up in them somehow being together romantically (e.g. married). Sometimes it really was just a pure kind of platonic love in which Sebastian realized he loved her and so acted like it. Towards the end of this period of my life, I even started creating oc females (Mary-Sues of myself probably, but I'm not sure) for Sebastian to be with because I knew that Ariel would always have Eric instead and so it was best for Sebastian to have someone else instead too. Psychologically, I'm assuming this was due to the formation/warring of personal morality issues - that is, I wanted Ariel to be with Sebastian, but the notion that it would be going against "happily ever after" or divine destiny seemed inherently wrong. Mixed in there is probably my inability to "break the rules" of the predestined, set-in-stone plot. At 8, the idea of an AU would have been implausible and just plain wrong; it made no sense in the order of things. Any crushes between Ariel and Sebastian would ALWAYS have to give way to the inevitable: Ariel and Eric have to be together.
The reason why I'm talking about all of this is twofold.
On the one hand, I was giving a lot of thought to the psychological complexity of childhood imagination - especially how vivid mine was. I was thinking about my play times and all of the ways they actually were glimpses into how I was developing my ideas of the world, of myself, and so on. For example, adoption was a huge storyline I always used in make believe, in storytelling, etc. (I used to even wish someone would abandon a kid on our doorstep yikes). So it's really no surprise that as an adult my fervor to be an adoptive mother has only increased; it was merely an idea that struck an early chord with me and something I was developing a passion for early on.
On the other hand, Valentine's Day is coming up and it's a time I typically think a lot about all of my favorite fictional pairings (one of the adverse effects of being single?). And a few days ago I was giving A LOT of thought to those pairings in my childhood that were the strangest and which, if I'm being honest, I still ship. And, quite frankly, Ariel/Sebastian will always be the one I consider strangest and the one which will probably hold on the longest. Even if I can now appreciate the strictly platonic nature of their relationship, and trust me I really do, I now also can appreciate the romantic possibility on a more complex level. Now that I'm an adult, I can see the age gap, I understand how AUs work and even like them, I understand the characters better, and so, so, so much more. All of these things make for a more satisfying ship because I can simultaneously enjoy their relationship as it is while also playing around with the other dynamics when the mood strikes me.
Do I still crush on Sebastian? I don't think the answer is yes, but I could be fooling myself. I do still adore his personality and could possibly fall for a guy with a similar one because of type. I am still obsessed with him as a character and wish I had someone to be the Sebastian to my Ariel, in the platonic sense (unless it moved beyond that for both of us obviously). And I do plan on naming a son Sebastian because I've fallen in love with the name over the years (unless I marry a Sebastian first which would certainly be even more ideal, if I'm being honest).
So, ok, maybe I do still have a twinge of a character-crush on Sebastian. And, as I said, I do certainly still, in some cracky way, ship Ariel and Sebastian romantically. But that's just how it goes, I guess. Things that take root in the formative years don't always go away if they were powerful enough - and my love for both character and ship was pretty powerful. Alas, it of course also adds to just how truly odd I am as a human being. (Of course Disney doesn't make it easy to quit either ship or crush haha!)
P.S ARIEL IS SO
BEAUTIFUL & PERFECT I
MIGHT CRY
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